“For God’s sake, Annie, stand up straight. Never look down at the ground.” It was Sunday and we were just leaving Mass. I was hunched over as usual…my shoulders rounded forward. (From my education in yoga I now know that people take this posture in order to protect their heart from any pain. These people live in fear and close themselves off from love.) For many reasons, I was hiding from the world….folding myself in half so no one would notice me. This was unacceptable to Anne.
Anne walked perfectly straight, shoulders back…her heart available to anyone who might need it. She did not walk in fear. After all, what was there really to be afraid of? She had looked so many situations dead in the eye. She was powerful this way…with just one look.
Anne never walked folded in half by fear. She did not bend to an abusive father…he had met his match in her. Instead, she straightened up and protected her brothers and sisters from him, hiding them in her room when he came home from the mines. She squared her shoulders and looked him in the eye. I wonder what he saw there. My guess is power. Toxic people can smell weakness in others. Then they prey on them, like a hawk diving to the earth for a mouse. Anne’s father could not sense weakness in her. He could not prey on her. I suppose that’s why he never had any real use for her. And that was fine with her.
Anne knew about heart-break. She lost a sister at a very young age (Philomena), she would also lose two children, later. She went four years without seeing my grandfather’s face because he was in Europe fighting in the war. And though they loved each other madly until the very end, she admitted he was never quite the same when he returned home to her. And yet, in every picture I have of her she is smiling…not a bashful, timid smile, but a brazen “just dare me to look away” smile.
Looking someone in the eye, especially during a difficult time, might be the hardest thing to do. But it must be done. You must walk straight. You must square your shoulders and hold onto the ground beneath you like it is prime real estate and it is in your name. This is what Anne taught me: Look them in the eye and they cannot ignore you. Look someone in the eye and you are a force of nature. Look someone in the eye and most of the time, that is all you will need to do to be heard.
This is the sad truth about your life: most people you meet throughout it, will try to take advantage of you somehow…try to invade your space and breach your boundaries. Don’t bow your head and eyes to the ground. Don’t submit. Once you begin the process of giving up, it will never stop. Do what Anne did. Look into someone’s eyes and dare them to make you look away. You will always win.
man, do i give diana ross a run for her money,with a straightening iron in my hand and "someday we'll be together" playing on the ipod.
