10 Reasons why not to date a Sociopath

….right…

I’m not going to get into too many particulars regarding this one. Just the facts, ma’am…just the facts. The main fact to know: I’ve recently come across my first ever sociopath. Yes, I know..it’s taken a while. But it did finally happen. We can tick that milestone off my list and move on to the next one.

First, some real research regarding the nature of the sociopath. Not for the light-hearted, mind you. You may read this blog and realize you have one in your circle of “friends”, or in your family, or worse yet…in your home. (Heavens!)

Profile of the Sociopath

• Glibness and Superficial Charm
• Manipulative and Conning
  They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They may dominate and humiliate their victims.
• Grandiose Sense of Self
  Feels entitled to certain things as “their right.”
• Pathological Lying
  Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and even able to pass lie detector tests.
• Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt
  A deep-seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. Does not see others around them as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.
• Shallow Emotions
  When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.
• Incapacity for Love
• Need for Stimulation
  Living on the edge. Verbal outbursts and physical punishments are normal. Promiscuity and gambling are common.
• Callousness/Lack of Empathy
  Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others’ feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them.
• Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature
  Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. Believe they are all-powerful, all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others.
• Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency
  Usually has a history of behavioral and academic difficulties, yet “gets by” by conning others. Problems in making and keeping friends; aberrant behaviors such as cruelty to people or animals, stealing, etc.
• Irresponsibility/Unreliability
  Not concerned about wrecking others’ lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blames others, even for acts they obviously committed.
• Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity
  Promiscuity, child sexual abuse, rape and sexual acting out of all sorts.
• Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle
  Tends to move around a lot or makes all-encompassing promises for the future, poor work ethic but exploits others effectively.
• Criminal or Entrepreneurial Versatility
  Changes their image as needed to avoid prosecution. Changes life story readily.

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Other Related Qualities:

1. Contemptuous of those who seek to understand them
2. Does not perceive that anything is wrong with them
3. Authoritarian
4. Secretive
5. Paranoid
6. Only rarely in difficulty with the law, but seeks out situations where their tyrannical behavior will be tolerated, condoned, or admired
7. Conventional appearance
8. Goal of enslavement of their victim(s)
9. Exercises despotic control over every aspect of the victim’s life
10. Has an emotional need to justify their crimes and therefore needs their victim’s affirmation (respect, gratitude and love)
11. Ultimate goal is the creation of a willing victim
12. Incapable of real human attachment to another
13. Unable to feel remorse or guilt
14. Extreme narcissism and grandiose
15. May state readily that their goal is to rule the world

Ahhh…so much to say about all of this. One really doesn’t know where to begin. In the aftermath of being involved with a creature such as this, it’s really hard to narrow it all down to just ten reason not to date one. I really do prefer all the reasons stated above. They are all true, as I have experienced them, but alas, I will be forgiving and keep it at ten as promised.

1. Let’s touch on Superficial Charm: Wow. They really have a knack for it. Be prepared to be sweet talked off your feet and straight into bed. Let this be your first red flag.

2. My favorite: Pathological Lying. You might think there is no way in the world someone can carry on two relationships at once at full force and energy, all the while using that superficial charm of theirs to calm down your suspicions and get you naked…but it”s possible. And they are masters of this art.

3. Lack of Empathy: My sociopath even admitted to me that he had a total lack of empathy for others. Red Flag Numero Due. But while being supplied with whispered sweet nothings (which really are just that…nothings) it was all too easy to “forget” what I had just heard.

4. This one isn’t on the list above, but it is a personal favorite of mine: hates animals and children. There is something fundamentally wrong within the brain structure of a real human being ( I say REAL because these people are mere imitations of the rest of us “normal” folk) if they can’t even look upon a bunny rabbit and pretend to think it’s cute.

5. Oh Christ, we’re halfway through and there is so much still to say. This blog may have a sequel: No concern for their impact on others…First let me say, there is no hope for this one. You can’t make one of these “people” actually give a shit about you unless there is something in it for them. It’s all about “What can I gain out of  THIS relationship, that I’m not getting out of the other one I’m already in?” Be prepared to be a victim whether you like it or not in this case. It’s all about them and their desires and needs. And once the shit hits the fan, they couldn’t give a damn about how it impacts you. They’re out of there so fast, all you see is dust.

6. Did I mention the bit about Pathological Lying? Just checking. Because this one is the dead give away, people. He looks you straight in the eye. He tells you exactly where he has been all night. He hugs you and calms your worries. A few days later, boom…the truth is staring back at you from your computer screen. If this happens even once…just once…Run. Do not walk. Run like your hair is on fire and don’t ever look back.

7. Oh, Unreliability..you sneaky little devil, you. My goodness! Suddenly there are health issues to contend with…headaches…stomach issues…sinus infections…And all in ONE week! I don’t remember which red flag we’re on..but ladies, if suddenly your sociopath comes down with the plague…a couple of times..he’s with the other woman. Yep. Hate to take your rose-colored glasses off your nose and stomp them into tiny pieces, but it’s the truth. Your sociopath is on the prowl when he says one minute he’s coming over and then three days later you learn he has come down with the something the CDC can’t even diagnose.

8. SECRETIVE YES! One of my favorites. We all have secrets, folks. We’ve all done things in our past that we will go to the grave with. The difference here, is that your sociopath man has many more secrets than you do. You’re a woman for Christ’s sake. Use your Goddamn intuition. God knows it’s the one thing we were born with that they weren’t. The sociopath keeps EVERYTHING a secret….even silly daily routine stuff. Always covering his tracks, he is. The rule here is simple: If you think he is…then he is. It’s really a very easy thing to pick up on. They mix the secret, with their charm, and a dash of a lie…and there you have it. A pretty little package of bullshit all wrapped up for you complete with a bow.

9. Lack of Remorse, Shame, or Guilt. I’ll keep this one short with an example: Say, for instance..not that this has ever happened to me..oh, no…that your sociopath has recently been caught doing what he does best: two timing. While he is covering all his tracks, he is telling you how much he misses you, adores you, needs to see you…Guess what? He’s telling the other lady the same thing. I don’t know, but that doesn’t ring of remorse to me. It kind of smacks of trying to get right back in the game again…with both of you.

10. Oh number ten. Here too soon, I am afraid. Chronic Infidelity! And that one pretty much explains itself. If you’ve taken him back over and over and over again…ask yourself: Do you feel lucky, punk? Well do ya? Because I’m willing to bet your luck has just run out.

On that note, I leave you with a farewell, because good-bye is too good a word for you…my poor lost boy.