A girl 16-24 who is overly tan, very skinny, has no real personality, isn’t that smart and dates a guy who is a bro.
…hmmmm….(i’ll leave the demeaning comments to the urban dictionary. but I have been running into my fair share of bro’s and their bait, lately…)
Dear Bros:
You have hijacked two great bands that I know of thus far:
Kings of Leon and DMB
The rest of the world would like them back.
Please stick to your old standbys: Papa Roach and Linkin Park.
Thanks,
Us.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bro
some more bro definitions for those of you who still might be confused.
I’ve been thinking:
What happens to the Bro after the window of Bro-dem has passed? You can’t stay a Bro forever. Although, we all know that lonely Bro-Man, possibly still living at home or close enough to it so that mom can continue doing his laundry and mopping his floors…the guy who shows up at parties where he should be carded for his age in the opposite direction. These Bro-Men are out there, but are few and far between.
Let’s start at the beginning of the end for the Bro: early to mid thirties. This, unfortunately,ladies, is the earliest a Bro is either marriage or long-term relationship material. I know, I know, “but he’s sooooo cuuuuute, ” you say. Girls, he is not a puppy.
So what happens to the Bro as he transitions into the Bro-Man? I’ve been thinking that two absolute things will transpire:
1. The Bro will most definitely check off Republican when it comes time to register to vote. Notice I say REGISTER to vote…in his thirties..because until now, for whatever reason, voting did not hold the same position on his priority list as beer pong.
2. The Bro-Man will morph into a form of yuppy…although, “yuppy” is an overused term, I can’t think of a more appropriate word as of yet. But the Bro-Man will definitely become concerned with making as much money as possible, having a trophy for a wife/bedmate, (these will actually be relationships…however shallow the foundations might be) and a huge plasma boob tube to get up close and personal with Heidi Montag.
More on Bros raising kids, to come later.
Dear Ladies:
You know that guy in class or in that cubicle at work….the one with the laptop and possibly a spreadsheet, or a pocket protector..
The one who took Latin in college or Chinese or French…or anything BUT Spanish….
The guy who holds the door open for you on your way in and holds the elevator open for you to make it just in time….
The one who asks you if he can get you anything on his way to the cafeteria and doesn’t beep the horn for you when he comes to pick you up, and opens the car door for you to get in…..
That’s the guy. The Non Bro. You’re probably not ready for him, yet. Just keep your eyes peeled. One will pop up when you are.
…this one is for you Ally…and everyone else with a vagina trying to find a decent man.
For those of you ladies who many have been hiding under a rock during your dating years (good for you), I’d like to introduce you to a term we females use to describe our worst male neanderthal nightmare: The Bro.
The Bro is a species of male that usually makes his debut in the late pubescent years. He shows signs of bro-ness early in his senior year and then develops at an alarming rate throughout college. There are so many more of them in ratio to women, that you cannot help but dating one or two before you either get married or enter the convent.
Signs of the Bro:
Baseball cap….usually scruffy and smelly, sometimes one of those visor hat thingys.
Sometimes an attempt to develop scruff…also smelly.
Shaggy hair..in an attempt to resemble a certain Grey’s Anatomy cast memeber…you guessed it….smelly
T shirt and Jeans….all the time
Sometimes flip flops..if not, then some kind of worn out almost hole-y sneaker that he will wear out to dinner with you right before he asks you to pay for the two of you
He loves to talk about himself. Unless he’s drunk. Then he’s chatting you up, with one hand in his pocket as he tries to get the other one in your pocket.
After he does get his hands in your pockets, don’t expect to ever hear from him again. Unless, again, he’s drunk and then he will proceed to blow up your cell like it’s the fourth of july.
That’s the Bro. I forgot to get into their horrendous taste in music, but that’s another blog entirely.
He also has either belonged to a frat or some other all male organization
The Bro is emotionally closed off. As soon as he starts to have a feeling, all you see is dust….that’s how fast he’s running away.
He’s also a meat-head. Not the sharpest tool in the box. But I have begun to suspect differently. I really do think the Bro is highly intelligent. He just dumbs it down in public. Get the Bro alone, and you actually might be impressed. But never get your hopes up about this tiny display of human-ness. The Bro still remains to be the missing link.
So let me just say a much overdue good bye and good luck to some bros in my life and in the lives of others I know and love who have done some serious damage to some absolutely wonderful women:
So long:
BM (ha….just like bowel movement), PC, ML, MG, BW,CM, RM, MD,MF,DS,CA
And to be fair. Let me say thank you to some (but few) of the men who passed through my life when I was too young and stupid to appreciate them…the Non-Bro, if you will:
Thanks for giving me the tips on what to look for in a real man:
Dad, Rob Piechota, Sean McGrath, Joe Barrett, and finally Rick Longstreet.
The difference between the previous group of men and the latter: the last five were actually NICE to me. That means they are the lucky winners of a piece of my heart forever. Sorry Bros. You really missed out.
